Why and how to set boundaries
Let's talk about boundaries! Here at The Happy Honey Pot we love to talk about boundaries. Learning your boundaries and how to set them is a vital part of taking care of your overall well-being. We believe they are a beautiful part of self-care. For those struggling to set boundaries or who are new to this topic let's talk about the basics.
A boundary marks a limit. These limits help to keep our nervous system in alignment. If we don’t set boundaries we may feel we are constantly going through life frustrated or taken advantage of. When you set a boundary you are letting someone know your expectation and what is okay or not okay to you. Boundaries can be emotional; how you are feeling about something, how you identify yourself, choices and decisions you have made. There are also material boundaries over things you allow people to borrow or your own personal items that people may have access to. There are boundaries around time, physical boundaries, and mental boundaries.
Let's talk more in depth about boundaries in regards to time and mental health.
Self-care is learning how to take care of yourself on a deep level.
As much as we love face-masks and CBD baths we understand that true self-care is much deeper than that. You will feel great after a night of taking care of yourself, but if you are thrown back into life where you have limited boundaries you are more likely to feel burnt out, depressed, and overwhelmed.
Having boundaries around time means looking at how you spend your time and what you give your energy to and putting some firm lines around what is not currently serving you. This can also mean setting a boundary not to bring work home with you once your work day is over. Figure out what activities energize you and choose to focus on them once your work day is over rather than the things that drain you. This ties into mental boundaries; your thoughts, opinions, and the things you value. We are bombarded daily with the thoughts and opinions of others. If you watch the news or follow social media you may be aware of the constant stream of pictures and opinions of others. Some people are much more sensitive to media overload, but it affects everyone. Learning how you feel while you are doing things is an important step in establishing boundaries.
Still unsure about where you might need to set boundaries? That is totally normal! If you are new to this, understand it is a journey! Right now feel into a time you were last frustrated, agitated, or overwhelmed. This is a signal. Something is not right. Is there a boundary that could be set there?
Simple starting point for boundary setting:
-Figure out some limits for yourself. Go over the types of boundaries (time, mental, physical, emotional, material) and see where your limits are. A feeling of stress or that gut feeling of being taken advantage of is a signal of a limit.
-Check in with your feelings. Feelings often help us identify what our limits are. What boundary can you have in place so that limit isn’t pushed against?
-When you are setting boundaries, be as direct as possible. For people who have trouble speaking their truth or sharing their needs this is the most challenging thing you could possibly do, but it will be the best decision for your overall well-being.
-Find support! Talk to friends about setting boundaries. Lift each other up in this journey. Having clear boundaries that are shared creates a feeling of safety in our bodies! You giving yourself permission to set boundaries is deep SELF-CARE!
There is a Four Step Process which we find to be helpful in our lives.
- Define- Identify desired boundary.
- Communicate- Say what you need.
- Stay simple- Don’t over explain.
- Set consequences- Say why it’s important.
Here at The Happy Honey Pot we support your health and well-being!
Please let us know how we can best be of service to you!
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This Saturday come hang out with us at GREEN SPORK in Richmond Hill!
So much love,
Britt and Amanda